Once you know something, you can’t un-know it.
I’ve just been sucker-punched.
A friend, we’ll call her Lippy, stopped by our house to take a peek at some work we’re having done. We laughed about the joys and challenges of home maintenance and repairs. So far, so good.
Then, this friend erupted with a juicy tidbit about a mutual acquaintance. Lippy just couldn’t wait to share something dreadful about our acquaintance. A very juicy morsel of gossip. It all happened so fast that my husband and I didn’t have a second to stiff-arm the gossip with the words–don’t tell me, I don’t want to know.
I so wish we could have seen it coming and halted it before the words left her mouth and slapped us both across the face. Violated. I felt violated. I felt sick about what this acquaintance is going through and the sheer torment she must feel because of it. I would be devastated in her shoes.
And now I know too much about her.
This event prompted me to create a Don’t Tell Me List:
Don’t assume because I attend the same church, work with, live near or simply know someone that I want to know their drama. I don’t. Please don’t make me the unwilling keeper of someone’s secret.
If you’re just dying to tell someone, don’t tell me! When a fiery bit of gossip is burning a hole in your tongue, it’s a good sign to keep your mouth shut. Cut off the oxygen and put the fire out!
If it’s personal and you don’t have expressed permission to share with me, don’t tell me! How do I look this acquaintance in the eye knowing what I now know about her personal life? We are not confidantes or she would have told me herself.
If the subject of the discussion has not (or would not) post this information on social media, don’t tell me! It’s private for a reason. The person may feel ashamed, humiliated, hurt or even devastated by the situation she faces. She doesn’t need to wonder who knows what about her life.
If this is a person I know, don’t tell me! Please don’t include me in the “in the know” crowd. I’d rather be blissfully ignorant of the gossip. That way I can keep my relationships untangled and on the up-and-up.
If this is about a person I don’t know, don’t tell me! It’s none of my business. Unless you’re telling me about a situation because you need advice or prayer on how to handle it, don’t tell me. If you do need my counsel or prayer, tell me as little as possible, omitting names and identifiable details.
If you wouldn’t share this in front of the person it’s about, don’t tell me! When my kids were little, I was part of a play group. We met weekly at a local park. I dreaded having to miss park days — not only because my children napped better, but also because any mom who didn’t show up was severely talked about! The last time I went, one of the moms was going on and on about an absent mom, sharing private things that would not have been shared in the mom’s presence.
I piped up and asked the gossip-spreader (who happened to be the very best friend of the person she was dishing about), “Hey, aren’t you two friends? Does she know you talk about her like that?”
Yeah, I was that mom. I’m sure I was the topic of conversations for a few weeks after I packed my kids into their little green wagon and took them home to play on our own swing.
Please, keep your juicy tidbits to yourself!
We’ve all fallen into the gossip trap. I have no stones to throw. My personal goal is to live gossip-free. How about you? What do you do to keep from getting caught up in gossip? Would you say something to a friend who shared inappropriately with you?
Want to know what the Bible says? Check out these scriptures about gossip.
I’ve just broken through a 3-day writing slump. For three solid days I couldn’t write a cohesive sentence to save my life, which thank God, was never threatened.
Last week I committed to a writing project that I’m very excited about. I also committed to work with a mentor to (finally!) dust off a project that stalled out a few years ago. These two writing decisions brought me a brief episode of euphoria. I re-worked my schedule to accommodate them and bellied-up to the keyboard ready for adventure.
And you know what happened?
Doubt.
Suddenly, I was hammered by it.
All the voices in my head formed a choir that serenaded me day and night. “You’re no good, you’re no good, you’re no good. Baby you’re no good!”
And you know what I did?
I believed them. In fact, I helped them build a case against me. I remembered every rejection, tough critique and bad grade I ever received. It’s amazing how the mind works. I forget why I walked into the garage, but can recall with perfect clarity every criticism that’s come my way.
For the past 24 hours I thought of all the ways I could graciously wiggle out of my writing projects. After all, “I’m no good!”
Then, I decided to fight back. I put my pen to the pages of my prayer journal and cried out for help. I asked for renewed passion and for a little inspiration to get me over the hump.
And you know what happened?
I sat down and wrote. And wrote. And wrote.
The words flowed effortlessly and landed on the page as though they belonged there. I wrote thousands of words including a chapter, an outline and a couple of blog posts. Tomorrow I’ll finish my submission for the Inspire Forgiveness anthology.
The euphoria is back! I just needed to pray and write.
Elizabeth M Thompson hosts weekly Open Studio writing times in her home because she loves to write in a quiet house filled with other creatives creating. When she’s not reading, writing, or serving the Inspire writers, she can be found along the American River, pedaling her bike, paddling a kayak or walking hand-in-hand with her husband Mike. Elizabeth blogs about overcoming on her website and can be found on Facebook and Twitter if you’d like to connect with her. Be sure to stop by Prayers4Writers every Wednesday evening from 6pm PDT/9pm EDT on Twitter. Use #writetoinspire to join the conversation.
Excitement is growing at Inspire. Several of our members have books coming out this month and many more books will be released over the next few months.
We are having fun with launch parties, book signings and celebrating the successes. One of the questions I hear among our writers is “How can I help get the word out?”
In response I am listing seven things we can do to promote our friends’ books:
1. Pray for the ministry of the book. We write with a purpose of touching hearts and changing lives, which can only happen when the message is read. Inspire writers pray for each other’s projects, asking God to put them in the hands of readers who can benefit from the messages or stories being published.
2. Post book reviews. After reading your friend’s book, consider what you liked best about the content, style, and message, and write a brief review. Then post the review on Amazon.com, GoodReads.com, Christianbook.com and BarnesandNoble.com. Readers rely on reviews to make purchasing decisions. Your honest review will have a positive impact on the sales of the book.
3. Blog to promote the book. By posting a well-written interview and/or book review on your blog, you can help generate interest in your friend’s book. Include a book trailer if possible. You can increase interest by offering a free copy of the book. Don’t forget to mention the book in comments you leave on other blogs as well.
4. Tweet to get the word out. Twitter provides a great forum for peer promotion, allowing you to post brief, pointed tweets about the book or re-tweeting what others say about it. You can also re-tweet posts from the book’s author. If the book is mentioned in an article or review, you can tweet it out to the world. Tweet quotes from the book to whet the appetites of your followers. Then be sure to invite them to book signings.
5. Create a buzz on Facebook. Update your status with a positive comment about the book and “Like” the author’s page. Post quotes from the book. Invite your Facebook friends to a book signing. You can also give away a copy of the book on your Facebook page. Your small efforts help build a big buzz.
6. Distribute marketing pieces. Carry promotional postcards or bookmarks with you. Pass them out whenever the opportunity presents itself. Give them to your local bookstore manager and church librarian. Ask them to carry the book. Distribute a speaker packet to a church leader, ministry director, pastor—whoever makes decisions about speakers. Present bookmarks to your book club and encourage them to read the book. Personally recommend the book to a friend (or lots of friends!)
7. Help with the Book Launch Party or Book Signing event. I recently attended a book launch that was hosted by a dear friend of the author. The party was a huge success! The friend put the same care into the party as she would a baby or bridal shower. Every detail was perfect–and the author was relaxed and enjoyed her guests. Maybe you don’t have time to throw an entire launch party, but there are many things you can do: Invite friends to attend book-signing/book launch with you. Provide refreshments for the event. Offer to help with book sales at book-signing. Create a gift basket for a door-prize drawing. You can also host an intimate gathering in your home for a meet & greet with the author.
Your enthusiasm about your friend’s book can make a difference in getting the word out. Employing these seven steps will make your peer promotion efforts more effective.
Here’s a question for you: What steps are you taking help promote your friend’s books?
_____
Elizabeth M Thompson loves stories–fiction and nonfiction alike. Mostly, she loves God’s story and seeks to share with readers how they fit into it. When she’s not reading, writing, or serving the Inspire writers, she can be found along the American River, pedaling her bike, paddling a kayak or walking hand-in-hand with her husband Mike.
It Takes a Small Story to Make a Big Story Our Story
I grew up in a world of big stories. I am a granddaughter of “the greatest generation”—a generation that lived through the Great Depression and served in the Great War. Most of what I knew about my grandparents’ experiences, I learned in World History classes. I learned about the Holocaust and the atrocities the Nazi war machine wrought against Jewish people and against all of civilization as it marched in across Europe. It was taught clinically, so matter-of-fact. I received the information that way too. The people who lost their lives, livelihood, family members—they were far away people. Another land at another time. Far removed from me and honestly, their collective story was not particularly relevant to my young life.
I memorized the dates and related statistics of events, and the names of the world leaders involved. I listened to my teachers and parroted back what I was taught—acing my exams, but missing the point entirely!
It was Joseph Stalin who said, “The death of one man is a tragedy, but the death of millions is a statistic.” He was, sadly, right.
The collective nature of the big-picture story makes it meaningless. It sure did for me. But the small personal story, the one tucked deep into the larger story–that I can relate too. That I can internalize and learn from. That circumnavigates the wrinkly crevasses of my brain and touches a much deeper place. It touches the place where my humanity lives, where empathy rules and compassion overflows. Where the story and I merge in our vulnerability and weakness, in our determination and victory. It touches my soul, which clings to the values of right and wrong like a rock climber clings to the face of a cliff. Where fear and faith cohabitate, always wrestling for dominance.
The story of Maria Altmann is just such a story. Much like the story of Anne Frank or Corrie Ten Boom, Maria’s story, for me, is the personalization of a much bigger story, the meta-narrative of World War II. This weekend, I was completely captivated as I watched the BBC movie, Woman in Gold with my family. The little story inside the big story, made the big story more real. Personal. Meaningful. Relevant to my life.
Woman in Gold is the story of a woman whose family was torn from her during WWII and in that tearing she was stripped of several very important pieces of her family’s artwork. Most valuable to Maria was a painting of her beloved aunt Adele, that had become the centerpiece of the Austrian art gallery where it hung for over fifty years. In the movie, Maria fights for her rights to the artwork, a struggle about more than the restoration of the stolen heirlooms. She wanted the Austrian government to admit to their wrong-doing. They were culpable in the theft and she needed with every fiber in her being to hear them admit it. She needed someone to stand up and say, “Yes. We did this horrible thing to you. We’re sorry for our part in this ordeal and we’ll restore everything that was taken from you.” She needed the Austrian government to make it right, emotionally as well as physically.
And that’s where her story became my story. I have been in Maria’s situation. Our circumstances of course are vastly different. I wasn’t even born when evil was perpetrated against her family. But I’ve been treated horribly too. And I’ve wanted someone to stand up and say, “Yes. I did this horrible thing to you. I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused you. Let me restore everything lost because of this situation.”
If you’ve lived a few years on Planet Earth, you’ve been hurt like that too. Hurt beyond the ability for another human being to make it right. We all have. That’s what makes Maria’s story our story. The universal emotions that come with injustice and the universal need to be vindicated.
When we write our vulnerable little story inside the meta-narrative of God’s story, we can shake our readers from complacency. We can disrupt their apathy and make them care about the bigger story—God’s story—the one they know about clinically, but haven’t experienced personally, until they found themselves in the words of our story.
In his book Telling Secrets, Frederick Buechner says, “My story is important not because it is mine, God knows, but because if I tell it anything like right, the chances are you will recognize that in many ways it is also yours. Maybe nothing is more important than that we keep track, you and I of these stories of who we are and where we have come from and the people we have met along the way because it is precisely through these stories in all their particularity…that God makes himself known to each of us most powerfully and personally.“
Your story is important too. Now go and write it!
___
Elizabeth M Thompson loves stories–fiction and nonfiction alike. Mostly, she loves God’s story and seeks to share with readers how they fit into it. When she’s not reading, writing, or serving the Inspire writers, she can be found along the American River, pedaling her bike, paddling a kayak or walking hand-in-hand with her husband Mike.
Once you’ve decided to write for ministry or profession, or simply out of an unquenchable love of words, you’ll discover it’s not always a fairy tale. The journey you are on is filled with obstacles, challenges that must be met with determination–and maybe a little sprinkling of glittery fairy dust.
Here are seven tips gleaned from the timeless story of Cinderella to guide you on your journey.
1. Embrace Hard Work
Cinderella toiled at her monotonous tasks every day. She didn’t let her circumstances get in the way of her joy, but kept at her chores with a song in her heart. Writing is lonely, tedious work with long hours of unrewarded effort. We can endure it, or we can embrace it. We can grumble or we can delight. It’s a daily choice. When we embrace the writing process, joy comes. It’s not reserved for someday when our book is finished, our blog takes off or our sales increase. Joy is with us for the journey.
2. Use What You Have
Her mother’s dress was faded and dated, not nearly elegant enough for the ball. She’d feel out of place and draw stares and ridicule if she wore it. But, it was the best she had. It would have to do. Cinderella embellished the dress using little treasures she’d gathered over time. She did her best to create a gown fit for the royal occasion. As writers, we take what we have—our stories, imagination, expertise or spiritual insights and shape them into words on a page. We craft them with the tools we’ve gathered on our writing journey to fit the needs of our readers. We must learn to believe—as Cinderella did—that our best efforts, humble as they are, will be enough.
3. Overcome Critique and Rejection
Cinderella’s evil stepmother and step-sisters tore her creation to shreds! Sometimes we show our writing to others and they shred it, too. Let’s give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they really want to help us, but their help feels a lot like hurt. We trusted someone to give us constructive feedback only to be reduced to the grief of our junior high English class. We receive our shredded work with the same pain and humiliation we felt when our teacher handed back an essay with more red ink than black. Cinderella fled to the garden with her pain. She let the tears come. We may have tears too. Then we need to recommit to our purpose and believe again that anything is possible.
4. Bring on the Magic
Once Cinderella had done all she could and her critics had done their best to undo her efforts, Cinderella cried out for relief. She was comforted by her Fairy Godmother, who knew just what to do to remake her mess into a masterpiece. In the publishing world, these magic-makers are called Editors. Editors also know how to make our messes into masterpieces. When we’ve done all we can do to perfect our writing, it’s time to kick it up a notch by enlisting professional help. Trust those people who want to help make your dreams come true.
5. Follow the Rules, Know When to Break Them
Cinderella was forbidden by her evil stepmother to go to the ball. Had she not broken this rule, all would be lost! The prince, bound to pick a bride, would have settled for a politically advantageous marriage, rather than marrying his one true love. We need to know and follow the rules of our craft. We need to conform to the rules so our work is clear and readable. We also need to know when to follow our hearts, take our writing outside the lines and break any rules that hinder our artistry. Sometimes a well-placed sentence fragment creates the cadence and tone we want our words to convey. Sometimes even the lowly, unloved –ly adverb deserves a place in our project.
6. Meet Deadlines!
Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother gave her a firm deadline: leave by the last stroke of midnight. Her failure to pay attention to the clock was almost her undoing. She had to scamper from the ball at the last second as her fairy-tale world unraveled around her. Because she didn’t intentionally focus on meeting her deadline, she lost the support of those who were there to help her. Once the horses turned back into mice, they were no longer strong enough to carry her home. Of course, Cinderella was in love and practically floated home in her blissful state. We may not be blessed with euphoria to carry us past the consequences of missed deadlines.
7. Take Risks
Cinderella risked everything by asking the prince if he could accept a humble, honest country girl. We need to ask agents and editors if they’re willing to work with us, even in our humble circumstances. Maybe our platform isn’t as large as we want. Our WIP is never perfect enough for us. But at some point we have to type THE END and hit the send button. It takes courage. We risk rejection. But we can’t get a yes, if we don’t risk the no. Cinderella’s risk was well-rewarded. Ours will be too.
Elizabeth M. Thompson writes from her experiences as a Bible teacher, wife, mother and grief navigator. She enjoys speaking at writer’s conferences and women’s ministry events. Elizabeth serves on the Inspire Christian Writers Board. Her publication credits include articles published by Focus on the Family, Today’s Christian, and contributions to several compilations.
Today is launch day for Joanne Kraft’s second book, The Mean Mom’s Guide to Raising Great Kids. We had loads of fun talking about the book and her writing passion. Here’s the interview of our time together.
Elizabeth M. Thompson writes from her experiences as a Bible teacher, wife, mother and grief navigator. She enjoys speaking at writer’s conferences and women’s ministry events. Elizabeth serves on the Inspire Christian Writers Board. Her publication credits include articles published by Focus on the Family, Today’s Christian, and contributions to several compilations.
As soon as I plunged into the pages of Clutter Free, I zealously tackled a few easy areas of clutter in my home–the spice cabinet, hall closet and bathroom drawers. I was determined to create order. I’d clear out the excess “stuff” my family and I dragged with us on our last move, and free our home to be more functional. A worthy goal, right?
Those first few spaces were a cinch to de-clutter. I mean, I have no emotional attachment to expired spices or that expensive moisturizer that makes my face red and puffy. I tossed them into the garbage bag without the slightest resistance or regret. Those miniature lotion samples went in the give-away box.
Those super-easy tasks had an immediate effect. My cooking efficiency improved. And I really enjoy working in a beautiful, tidy kitchen. My morning routine was streamlined, because there were no unusable products to slow me down!
So far, so good!
What I didn’t know yet was that the external clutter reflected and compounded the internal clutter. I didn’t expect that eliminating the physical clutter would be the catalyst for purging emotional clutter.
Until I took on my closet.
I have three closets in my bedroom (don’t hate me!) Though I have ample space, I needed to remove items I don’t love or wear. If I wouldn’t plunk down my debit card to purchase that item again—it needed to be re-homed. Into the give-away box it went.
Each morning I read from Clutter Free, then dedicated a small block of time for clearing out the clutter. My closet cleaning coincided with reading Part Two: Why We Buy Stuff and Part 3: Why We Keep Stuff. I was forced to look at the motives behind my purchases.
I came face-to-face with the fact that I really don’t have much to wear! My closet was filled with clothes that don’t fit—but might someday. Clothes that don’t work with anything
else I own—but might if I found just the right piece to pair with them. And clothes that I don’t really like—but with tags still hanging on them, I’m reminded of the investment I’ve already made to each item.
I had to look at my purchasing/keeping motives as a reflection of my heart. I didn’t like what I found there.
I had the illusion of a lovely wardrobe. And it would be if I were a size or two smaller. It was a closet full of items that might someday fit. Every time I stepped into my closet to get dressed, I felt the accusations: You’re too fat for me. You wasted money on me. You’ll never be able wear me again. The external clutter was tormenting me. It constantly reminded me that I don’t measure up. Literally.
I had to hit the brakes!
I decided to give myself copious doses of grace. I pulled everything from the closet and laid it out on my bed. Then I stood next to the mountain of accusers and prayed. One by one I picked up each item and put it to the Kathi Lipp three-question test: Do I love it? Do I use it? Would I buy it again?
The only things I put back into the closet are the items I can currently wear and feel good about wearing. It’s slim-pickings, but my wardrobe no longer accuses me as I make my daily clothing selections.
I donated the business clothes I’ve held onto “just in case I ever need a real job.” They’re now helping women transition out of joblessness.
Eighteen (18!) pairs of shoes, that I haven’t been able to wear since breaking my foot several years ago are off to beautify new feet.
I donated the adorable ruffled orange blouse with the tags still hanging. Someone has the perfect component to make an outfit from it. God knows I never did!
This morning when I stepped into my closet to choose my outfit for the day, there were no accusations flying. No self-condemnation for past wasteful purchases. No assaults on my self-image. Just a wardrobe that reflects my current reality and the peace that comes with it.
What about you? Are there areas of clutter in your home? Any that create emotional obstacles for you?
Racial reconciliation is one of the most important conversations taking place in America in this generation. Our family wanted to add our voices–and our feet to this conversation, so we took part in today’s Capitol March for the Dream.
We marched with about 29,000 people as did many others from our church and churches across the Sacramento
Region. Organizers encouraged participants to strike up conversations across racial lines. We enjoyed meeting several people we might never have met otherwise.
The celebratory atmosphere and the joyful interactions made the event a lot of fun. I observed parents explaining to children the importance of the day’s events. Why all these people were out in a drizzly cold morning carrying signs and singing along with Pharell William’s “Happy” and Michael Jackson’s “Man in the Mirror.”
We heard snippets of Martin Luther King Jr’s “I Have a Dream” speech as the crowd erupted in cheers. We heard a local pastor sharing that true freedom only comes through reconciliation with God through Jesus Christ. When the Son sets you free, you are “free at last” indeed.
This group of marchers carried signs that said, “Black Lives Matter,” “Young Lives Matter,” “Latino Lives Matter” and along with the more specific signs was this one that sums it up perfectly: “All Lives Matter”
One of my favorite signs of the march read, “March with Someone Different Than You.” And that, in a nutshell, was the goal of the day.
It’s easy to walk with those who are just like me. Those who think like I do and share my values and beliefs. It takes courage and empathy to walk with those who are different, who don’t believe what I do or hold to my values.
Today we celebrated the life and passion of a man who believed it possible for people of all races to live together in harmony and equality, not just tolerating but embracing diversity.
I hope I wake up tomorrow in a world that has moved just a little closer to seeing Martin Luther King Jr’s dream come true.
We’ve closed the book on 2014 and we’re opening a new one titled 2015. I can’t help but wonder what secrets 2015 holds. What surprises are in store for the coming year. I’ve spent several weeks contemplating what I hope to achieve in the new year. Making plans. Setting goals. Seeking a word from God that will permeate the days and weeks of 2015. The word he gave me is GRACE. And, oh how I need it!
Already 2015 promises to be a year of change. I’ve committed to cutting back on some of my responsibilities with Inspire Christian Writers. I’ll be homeschooling one of my darlings and refocusing on my personal writing. Those are a few of the knowns. The unknowns will have to unfold as the year progresses.
As part of my re-focus on my personal writing, I’m launching this blog. I have big plans for it and will be tweaking it quite a bit in the coming weeks, but I wanted to launch it today–New Year’s Day 2015.
So, Happy New Year!
I hope your year, and my year, will be filled with grace.
What are the knowns for you in 2015? What are you hoping the year will bring? Do you have a “word of the year”?
You know when you’re reading a book and it’s so good you want to tell all your friends about it? That’s what happened to me while reading The Unbreakable Boy. But because so many of my friends are writers, I wanted to tell you all about Susy Flory, the co-author who helped bring this story to life. So sit back and sip your tea (or coffee, if you must) and enjoy the conversation between me and Susy. It’ll answer some of your questions about collaborative writing and give you some insights into the LeRettes and their story.
The Unbreakable Boy takes you into a family that faced multiplied challenges with tenacity, hope and humor. As you read it, you’ll fall in love with Austin who has brittle bone disease and autism. He’s a delightful person who looks at the world with wonder and tremendous joy–even in the midst of great difficulty. His health concerns provide the pressure that caused them to forge deep bonds. Bonds than enable them to not only survive–but thrive! You’ll also get to know Austin’s dad, Scott, and will likely relate to his daily need to let go of his own agenda in order to become the husband and father his family desperately needs. I found myself cheering with each surrender-infused victory.
Here are some of the questions we covered. I’m sure you’ll have some of your own. You can leave them in the comments and Susy will respond.
1. You write about fascinating people with very interesting stories. What kinds of stories stir your passion and make you want to write them?
2. How do you find these stories?
3. Would you explain the difference between ghost-writing and co-authoring?
4. How did you get started writing in this genre?
5. What attracted you to the LeRettes and their story?
6. What was the most fascinating part of working on The Unbreakable Boy?
7. How do you determine if a story is big enough to warrant writing an entire book? What do you look for?
8. What advice do you have for writers who think they’d like to write other peoples’ stories? What steps could they take to get started?
_____
Now it’s your turn. Leave a comment or question for Susy and you’ll be entered to win a free copy of The Unbreakable Boy: A Father’s Fear, a Son’s Courage, and a Story of Unconditional Love. We’ll announce a winner Tuesday at 1pm PDT.
Elizabeth M. Thompson writes from her experiences as a Bible teacher, wife, mother and grief navigator. She enjoys speaking at writer’s conferences and women’s ministry events. Elizabeth serves on the Inspire Christian Writers Board. Her publication credits include articles published by Focus on the Family, Today’s Christian, and contributions to several compilations.
